The Wizard Of The West Bow

"The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice (1597)

In 1638 a group of men and women met in Edinburgh's Greyfriars Kirkyard. They were there to sign a document in human blood. This document would come to be known as the National Covenant, a reaffirmation and extension of the Kings Confession of 1581. The National Covenant, which still survives to this day inside St Giles Cathedral, essentially proclaimed that the King is not the King, God is the King. The men and women who signed the covenant called themselves The Lords of The Erection. Time has not been kind on this title so today we simply refer to them as The Covenanters. The signing of the document was to unleash a war across Scotland, England and Ireland that would rage for decades. This War of the Three Kingdoms would see thousands killed, a King decapitated, a Republic formed and dissolved, and a restored King seeking revenge against all those he blamed for the death of the previous Monarch.

Now much of the blame for King Charles I having his head forcibly removed from his shoulders would rest with the Covenanters who had ransomed the King to a group known as the Parliamentarians. So when King Charles II was restored to power it was a bit of a tricky time to be of the Covenanting inclination. Well documented is the trials and merciless executions of hundreds of Covenanters in Scotland, but some were lucky enough to escape. One particular Covenanting soldier would actually prosper in Edinburgh as if protected by a guardian angel....

In 1599 Thomas Weir of Kirkton and his wife Jean saw their second child into the world of the living. The baby was called Thomas named after his father as his older sister Jean had been named after his mother. From his beginnings in life in Lanarkshire Thomas Weir would join the army of the Covenanters and in alliance with the Parliamentarian army led by Oliver Cromwell the Covenanting army travelled to Ireland to suppress Catholicism. His position as Captain Lieutenant in the army informs us of his prowess as a leader and although the Ulster campaign was ultimately unsuccessful his wages were sufficient to purchase a property in Edinburgh at the Bow Head, located just outside the castle and overlooking the Grassmarket. Here he lived with his sister Jean, known to friends as Grizzle, and took employment in the Edinburgh Milita.

The Edinburgh Militia, or Toun Rats as they were known, was a rag tag squad of ex soldiers that was the closest Edinburgh had to a police force. A foul mouthed bunch, the Rats were more interested in drinking and fighting outside the Tollbooth Prison than actually doing any police work but among this rabble Thomas Weir retained his dignity and rose to the rank of Major. In the 1660's Major Thomas Weir was a much respected and notable member of Edinburgh society, seen by everyone walking his beat on the high street dressed in the traditional red great coat and tri corner hat that all the Rats had been wearing since their formation in 1513.

It should be noted that the militias name derives from their garb. Formed to protect the city after the Flodden disaster in 1513 the uniform and weapons of the Edinburgh Militia were never replaced, upgraded or cleaned. My familiar Margarat informs me that the dirt and smell of the Old Town Police gave rats a bad name.

There was one peculiarity about Thomas' uniform however. The walking staff he would carry on his beat. At six and a half foot tall Thomas was no small man, but his staff stood almost as tall as he, beautifully carved wood from foot to crown, carvings of trees and peoples and atop it all the grinning head of a satyr leering from the handle. It was a walking stick no one in Edinburgh could remember him being without, and when pressed on its origins he would say only that it was a family heirloom and of deep sentimental value.

The stick would remain part of his outfit upon retirement from the Militia, but never one to rest on his laurels Major Thomas Weir had still more projects under way. He formed a group of Presbyterian speakers, known as the West Bow Saints, who would lecture in Edinburgh on the dangers of Catholicism. That people would travel up to a hundred miles to hear the saints speak is a proof of their success and no speaker was more popular than 'Angelic Thomas' as he became known.

In the cool Spring of 1670 Angelic Thomas delivered a powerful lecture to his gathered flock in Edinburgh. It would be the final lecture Angelic Thomas gave and to say this lecture was powerful is to understate the fact, as in truth it was less of a lecture and more an act of suicide.

"I am in league with the Devil!" declared Thomas to a dumbfounded audience. "I was born in hell! From The Beast I have come and to The Beast I shall go!" Panic and confusion seized the assembled Presbyterians as the West Bow Saints seized Weir and removed him to his home at the Bow Head. Upon arrival at home Weir demanded the presence of his close friend Lord Provost Andrew Ramsey so he could deliver unto him a full confession.

Dutifully the Lord Provost attended and as he sat with Thomas he could only shake his head in disbelief as Weir confessed to a life not driven by Presbyterian righteousness but Satanic debauchery and vulgarity.

"I have slept beside many women, far too many to number, but none have i graced with my caresses more frequently or thoroughly than my own dear sister Jean. Animals too I can number among my companions and when i can find no object to fulfil my urges the Devil himself will lay by my side and pleasure me!" As Weir wept and cackled hysterically he confessed "Listen close in the days to come, for this is only the beginning of my story and there is far worse to follow."

Upon saying these words he fell silent and refused to speak again, leaving the assembled Saints and Lord Provost to decide a course of action.


It must be noted here that in the year 1670 Witchcraft and Devil Worship was far from the normality. Long gone was the craze of the 16th Century for burning anyone that had more money than you, or calling "Witch!" any time a healer cured the dying. In 17th Century Edinburgh the Devil was not seen as the primary enemy of the church, rather it was  the Kings and politicos who sought to determine how people worshiped were the great foe. Nevertheless, here was a man, a respected well known man, that had confessed in front of many witnesses that he was in league with Auld Nick. Thankfully cooler heads prevailed and Lord Provost Ramsey, a gentleman of great intellect, exclaimed that it was not the Devil that had taken control of his friend, but rather some strange malady of the heid had affected him to make these outrageous claims. So Thomas Weir was removed to the University where the physicians could examine him.

It is at this point that Thomas' sister Jean returns to the house in the Bow Head, arriving just in time to see her brother being led off in custody. In great distress she is ushered into the house by the Lord Provost and Bow Saints who try to council her on her brothers strange predicament. Imagine the revulsion of these gentlemen as inside the house her tears turn to laughter and she proclaims "It is all true!"

Jean Weir revealed to the gathered fellows that the Weirs whole life has been a lie played out across decades of vile transgressions. Their mother was a witch, she claimed, who had taken them both as children in a black stagecoach one night to the village of Dalkeith. There they had gathered with a group of black cloaked women who had walked them into the woods. This coven of witches had then danced naked with them  and summoned the Devil in a black fire. The Horned One, a goat headed creature in the flames, had blessed Jean and Thomas in a most unholy way.

The first blessing was a walking staff, carved with a satyrs head and imbued with magical properties. The second was a root which could be used to spin an infinite amount of yarn. The final gift was a touch from the clawed finger of The Beast in the fire, a touch which nearly 70 years later still left a scar on the skin. At this admission Jean pulled up her sleeve and revealed an upside down horseshoe upon her fore arm, the Devils mark.

Aghast at these revelations a fear strikes cold at the heart. For if both these Goodly Old Peoples had become mad, then who was next? The Lord Provost and his compatriots must surely have feared at infections from their own contact, all afternoon with the Weirs. Such fears would soon be allayed as word on Thomas' condition arrives from the University. The tests were conclusive, a doctor had hammered nail into Thomas' head and blood had emerged from the wound. There was nothing wrong with Major Weir! Furthermore upon examination the surgeons had discovered a strange mark on Thomas' back. It resembled a horseshoe, turned upside down.

The Weirs were immediately removed to the Tollbooth Prison. As word spread of Devil Worship in the West Bow this measure was to protect Thomas as much as detain him, for he declared having no desire to escape his punishment and was eager to attend trial for his sins. The next morning the Weirs appeared in court. First Thomas, then Jean. As both plead guilty to a number of crimes including witchcraft and incest the court took almost no time in immediately finding them guilty. Thomas was sentenced to death by strangulation and burning, Jean was to hang for her part.

On the 11th April 1670 Major Thomas Weir was brought to Shrub Hill to face death as a warlock. When asked to pray for mercy before being tied to the stake he barked "Let me alone! I will not! I have lived as a beast! I will die as a beast!". He was garroted, tied to the upright and then lit aflame to be burned until his bones were dust. As a solemn Edinburgh mob watched the flesh burn from his bones a peculiarity was noted that would set alight the imagination of superstitious Edinburghers for years to come.

For in the flames, by his side was Major Weirs walking staff, as tall as he and headed with that devilish grinning satyr. As the red and yellow flames danced around the Major and his staff the stick seemed to burn with an eerie color and many commented how it seemed to be dancing around in the fire like the tail of a serpent. With a BANG! that drew a gasp from the mob the stick exploded and the flames surged, consuming Thomas and hiding him from sight.

Marching back up the royal mile the mob arrives at the next scene of horror, Grizzle Weir being walked from the Tollbooth to her execution at the Lawnmarket. When the crowd informed her of Thomas' burning she commented "It is done then", before being marched up the gallows steps.

As she ascended the stairs she called out "And what o the stick?". The reply from the sea of Edinburghers came that the stick too had burned and in a most peculiar way. This drew a long inhuman howl from Grizzle who seemed to grow in size. As she screamed and wailed, the old woman puffed out her chest, tore off her clothing to reveal all her modesty and jammed her head between the steps of the gallows. Well, what a fine display for Jean Weir as the assembled town guards try to cover her body and remove her head from the steps. And what a delightful show of depravity as the Rats realize the only way to remove her head is to cut loose the steps. Finally, with the gallows
half dismantled Jean is wrestled into the noose and sent for the drop.

And so ends the story of the Weirs of Bow Head, executed on this day back in 1670.

Or does it?

For many years after the house was known as a place of great evil, where forces of ancient darkness would gather for despicable acts. Creatures were seen to lurk inside and around the house at night, and such was the superstition of Edinburghers that no one would live in the house for over a hundred years.

In 1780 an English soldier by the name of Oliver Petticot purchased the house with his wife but they stayed there for only six weeks before fleeing in terror. Petticot reported of strange sounds in the night, laughter and the sound of footsteps in the room below. Whenever Petticot tried to descend his stairs in the night he would either find no one there and nothing disturbed, or, more alarmingly, he would find that despite walking down all the stairs he always ended up back at the top step. On one occasion while in bed with his wife a goat had appeared at the foot of the bed and bleated at the couple, leaving them running into the West Bow Streets screaming. Now whether or not the Petticots had a penchant for opium or perhaps whiskey we can never know but perhaps the report should not be considered surprising considering the buildings previous occupants.

The house of Major Weir has been largely demolished now, as reconstructions around George IV bridge have been ongoing in the 19th and 20th Centuries. It is supposed that some sections of the old house still remain, amalgamated into the lower levels of some shops and restaurants in Victoria Street and Victoria Terrace. Staff claim that visitors to their establishments are not always as they seem, with the most recent sighting being a tall gentlemen that emerged from one wall of a restaurant only to walk straight through another.

And indeed the staff at work in this part of Edinburgh are not always of the human variety. For on some particularly wild nights in Edinburgh's Grassmarket it is claimed that Thomas Weirs walking stick can still be seen. The tall staff appears transparent, quickly moving from one shadow to the next. Perhaps it is just the light flickering through the trees in the shadow of the castle, or perhaps the staff is still carrying out the errands of its master Thomas Weir, The Wizard of The West Bow.

James Douglas , Earl of Drumlanrig Castle

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